Hamas captivity survivor’s account about other female hostages during her time in captivity

Hamas captivity survivor Agam Goldstein-Almog on Monday evening addressed the public before a screening of Sheryl Sandberg’s documentary “Screams Before Silence” at Hostages Square.

Agam, whose testimony appears in the film, was held captive alongside other hostages who have now been in Hamas tunnels for 283 days. She was released in the previous deal after 51 days, along with her mother and two younger brothers. Her father and older sister were murdered on October 7th.

Speaking during the event Agam said, ” I think of the people when I feel alone during this agonizing wait that drains our energy, amidst all the frustration, during what is probably the most difficult period of my life. You are with me, empowering, embracing, watching, and fighting – fighting even when there are no words left. For me, fighting simply means showing up, not forgetting, just thinking about them. Simply doing, even though it’s not simple at all”.

The survivor said, “since my release, I’ve been swaying between crying at my father’s and sister’s graves, feeling immense joy and excitement about being alive, and struggling for you, haunted by the image of you when we left you behind. It’s so hard for me to find words now, so difficult to stand here in front of families of hostages, some of whom I met in captivity. It’s so challenging to wait in a world of ups and downs every few seconds”.

She added, “but it’s even harder not to speak, not to shout. I gave everything in Gaza. I would wake up crying, telling my mother I couldn’t go on, that I was tired, that this war was too big for me. I gave everything and would ask myself, “For what? For whom?” It took me time to find an answer. For life, I’ll give everything”.

I’m alive. I need to return to my family, to tell my story and the stories I heard. I gave everything of myself there in Gaza. I fought. And they are fighting! What warriors they are! Right at this moment, they’re giving their all. They’re filling themselves with positive thoughts, reminding themselves that they’re alive. Do you know how hard it is to remind yourself that you’re alive when death surrounds you from all sides?…said Almog.

There are ways to cope with loss – stages of understanding, sadness, sometimes anger. But for the moment when we looked into each other’s eyes and I promised you I would do everything, promised you that you’d be released soon, for when we looked into each other’s eyes and you asked me – tell everything so that he wouldn’t touch us again – for that, there are no coping mechanisms. It’s not written in any paper, not with any psychologist. There’s nothing written about what to do after promises between hostages. I’ve never dealt with such heartbreak before. I can’t bear to move between grief and loss while also feeling a sense of missed opportunity and abandonment. I can’t bear for the deal to be missed, she added with her voice trembling.

Almog disclosed that “I was given the opportunity to participate in such an important film, a film that is a historical documentation of Hamas’s sex crimes during the cruel terrorist attack on October 7th. This film is about reality – a reality where women were raped, tortured, slaughtered. This film is about a reality where women are sexually abused in captivity, about abuses against women after which only silence remains. And this film is about those women we are so close to saving, so close to preventing harm or further harm”.

The film is difficult, but we can make another film – a film where the reality is that all the women there return to us. Hurt and in pain, but brave and determined to heal and fight. A film where all the hostages return. It will be a film about a country rising from the hardest blow it has ever taken. This film is a reminder that they are waiting for us so much, that there are people to save, added Almog.

Almog thanked for the opportunity to tell my story in this film. It was one of the things that kept me strong in Gaza – the thought that I could tell, that I wouldn’t be left alone with this. Thank you to the audience for listening to me, for fighting for them. And for listening to them even when you can’t hear them. I hear them; you are their strength. You are the hope. They’re giving everything in Gaza. I promise. Good lives are waiting for them, they know. We will fight here every day for their lives, she added.

Almog closed her speech with “Don’t despair, lift your heads, there’s still so much to save. How hard it is not to speak, how hard it is not to shout when you’re speaking in whispers there. How hard it is to fight and do everything and still be stuck in the same tunnel. And how good it feels to hear that people are gathering because they support your release, because they want to bring you home”.

Thank you for being with me during probably the hardest time of my life. Thank you for listening, embracing, watching. Thank you for fighting for all the hostages. They see and feel it. I’ll end with the hope that the next film will be about a reality where everyone returns. Strong, with their eyes on the future”, Almog concluded.